via TransParrotfish
So, as a canvasser I meet a lot of people who are completely isolated from the GLBT community. Its not odd at all to do some 101 education every day… but last week I met TWO people in one day who had never heard of being transgender. Not that they had never heard the word, they had never heard of it existing.
I feel pretty darn proud of myself in that I didn’t just stand open-mouthed… or try to start at something impossibly difficult to grasp just because its my favorite part (as is often a habit of mine). I got the basics out, briefly enough, without too much over-simplification. Both folks stayed for a while to talk, leaving looking like they had a pleasant amount left for their brains to chew on.
It stuck with me because the week earlier, someone told me “… you know, there’s no such thing as transmen”.
… and all I could do for a long while was stand open-mouthed like a great surprised parrot fish
This logic was provided: Since bottom surgery isn’t as advanced or popular for FTMs as it is for MTFs… FTM people don’t exist. I tried to explain a bit about identity vs sex but it became clear pretty quickly that it was already a lost battle. I’d lol if could do so without hating myself afterwards.
because its funny, but its a pretty common line of thinking.
I recently had a very interesting talk with my mother where I came out as genderqueer and considering some form of medical transition. The only trans people she knows are two FTMs who have had a very hard life, at least one of whom had bottom surgery that went “wrong” (its hard to say, I’m getting this information through an interesting filter). Both have had a difficult time getting support and have had a lot of struggles getting basic care for mental health issues.
These are the only example my mom has to look towards.
It was a very difficult conversation. I said “transmasculine spectrum” and I’m pretty sure all she heard was “penis surgery”. I’d say “openly genderqueer” and she’d think “angry tattoos”. (Yeah, I don’t understand the tattoos thing either.)
It boils down to the problem of invisibility. My mom thinks that if I take T (which I might or might not do) I will become crazy because the only people she knows who took T were bipolar and schizophrenic. My mom thinks that if I identify as trans I have to become a “full transexual” because the only people she knows who are trans did.
I told her that at the moment the only thing I’m seriously considering is top surgery (a huge plus for my health, especially since the family has a strong history of breast cancer) but I sincerely don’t think she heard me. As I think she is thinking now, I can either live as a depressed tomboy who wears ties a lot, or as an angry transsexual man in poor mental and physical health.
I tried to explain that, as my identity and comfort lie now, I could live quite happily in either situation… but I think my words fell on dry land.
There is a very large education gap that, frankly, I’m not quite sure how to bridge. I’m used to talking about the most basic 101, and the much more advanced stuff… but all these middle bits are overwhelming. I don’t know where or how to start.
Also my mom is struggling with a great deal of guilt. She blames herself, quite literally, for my identity because she wanted me to be a girl. From what I can tell, it seems she thinks she made me trans with magic. This is in a way good. She believes that I was always meant to be a boy, which is a huge boon… WAY more easy than I had anticipated. But she also thinks its all her fault and that it necessarily means I’ll get hurt.
I’m trying to get across to her that, yes, although its true that trans people have a lot to deal with… its not all tragic. I have a very good support network and I’m pretty darn happily adjusted, dysphoria incongruence included.
I’m quite privileged (largely because of my upbringing) and I’m in many ways grateful for my identity.
This trans thing? Its a good thing. A different thing… a complicated and sometimes hard thing, but a good thing.
Its a process.
… and you know what, I just might be ok with being trans magical.
happy coming out day, fishes!
