sexual guilt and social lubrication

18 Jul

(I'm pretty sure this is what the guilt fairy looks like) - image by Garfield minus Garfield

Last night I got to go to one of the best socials put on by the Humboldt Impropriety Society I have ever seen.  There were many sexy games (dirty jenga, sexy bingo, twister, etc.) that got all the adorable wallflowers off the wall and into the action.   I’ve never seen a party as busy as this one, and it was absolutely beautiful.  This morning I found myself trying to figure out why this one was SO much better and it occurred to me that it was one of the most sober parties of its kind I’ve ever seen.

Most parties I’ve been too have had at least a handful of folks too tipsy to play (and at least one person who was too drunk to respectfully watch).  From the staff side of things, this makes my job much harder because I have to watch them much more closely to make sure they’re playing safe and as a party goer I have to keep my guard up because these are the folks who are most likely to wander into (and even interrupt) my scenes.

Now I can understand the desire for liquid courage because it takes a lot of guts to come to these parties.  Although we come from a society that seemingly has sex at every turn, sex remains incredibly taboo.  It exists everywhere, but we can’t talk about it.  Not really.  Although almost every mall in America has a Victoria Secret, you can still get fired like TBK did for being a semi-openly sexual being (which *shock* most of us are).  I have very close friends who just this past year were fired from their jobs because one of their co-workers freaked out that they were gay.  Not that they were going to kinky pansexual sex parties, were kinky, or that they had sex with lots of people, just that they  had a partner of the same gender and weren’t ashamed of it.  There are TONS of role models for being a size 5 sexual 20 something interested only in PIV (penis in vagina) and *possibly* oral and anal sex, but fewer for the rest of us.  (It also should be noted that even normative sexualities have a great deal of taboo surrounding them.  If they didn’t, we Cosmo wouldn’t exist.)

So when someone goes to a sex party for the first time, I have to give them a lot of credit just for showing up.  I was terrified at my first party, and I’m a huge exhibitionist.  Even though I show off my sexual self in porn I still have to deal with sexual shame and taboo.

So I have absolutely no problem with people feeling shy at parties.  What I do have a problem with is the number of people who feel alcohol and drugs are the only way to deal with sexual shame.

That’s why the games at this party were so cool… people didn’t drink as much and they ended up getting more involved and more engaged with what was going on.  The atmosphere was INCREDIBLE.  I heard so much laughter, and so much moaning!!!  It felt like a completely different kind of party.  and I LOVED it.

Even the bravest of us needs a little help with sexual guilt sometimes, I don’t think we should be ashamed of needing that extra help (at the very least because doubling your guilt does not double your fun).  I just wish more people can figure out ways of helping that don’t impair our ability to be aware of what we’re doing.

Kudos to the Imps for coming up with the amazing games!

and extra Kudos to everyone who made it to their first party last night.  (Even if you did need a little liquid courage)

You rock my world.

One Response to “sexual guilt and social lubrication”

  1. beebumble July 29, 2010 at 1:37 am #

    I had SO much fun at the party – and interestingly, it’s the first one I’ve been at under the influence of pot. It was definitely a bit strange and I didn’t plan for that to happen at first, but I was WAY more comfortable than I would have been had I been drunk – which is so interesting to me, because pot makes me feel hypersensitive, and alcohol makes me feel numb. The energy was SO good that in my hypersensitive state, I felt great!
    That said, I don’t think I’ll do it again next time, but it was fun.

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